Funny Quotes for Dating Profile 'Dating means two things: Disillusionment or a racing heart.' -Mae West 'I want to be the reason you look down at your phone and smile, then walk into a pole.' -Unknown 'If we meet offline and you look nothing like your pictures, you're buying me drinks until you do.' Funny Dating Profiles Example #17: A Genuine LOL Listing out your likes and dislikes as if your profile were a shopping list is easy. Writing an original one-liner that makes me laugh is difficult.
Funny Dating Quotes to get you in the mood for a hot dude. Or dudess. These will put you in the right frame for the night game. Laughter is the best aphrodisiac.
Dating Quotes
Group 1
I’ve been on so many blind dates I should get a free dog.
- Wendy Liebman
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
- Woody Allen
What is a date, really, but a job interview that lasts all night? The only difference is there aren’t many job interviews where you’ll wind up naked.
- Jerry Seinfeld
Whenever I want a really nice meal, I start dating again.
- Susan Healy
Funny Dating Quotes
Group 2
On a date I wonder if there’s going to be any sex. And if I’m going to be involved.
- Garry Shandling
I went on a date recently and the guy took me horseback riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters.
- Susie Loucks
My sister was with two men in one night. She could hardly walk after that. Can you imagine? Two dinners!
- Sarah Silverman
I went out to dinner with a Marine. He looked at me and said, “I could kill you in seven seconds.” I go, “I’ll just have toast then.”
- Margaret Smith
I asked this one girl out and she said, “You got a friend?” I said yes. She said, “Then go out with him.”
- Don Irreva
I dated a hypnotist once. She was the hottest, smartest, skinniest, funniest, kindest, most glamorous and sophisticated woman I’ve ever met.
- Kent Graham @KentWGraham
Funny Dating Quotes
Group 3
My father always said, “Be the kind they marry, not the kind they date.” So on our first date I’d nag the guy for a new dishwasher.
- Kris McGaha
I hate first dates. I made the mistake of telling my date a lie about myself, and she caught me. I didn’t think she’d actually demand to see the bat cave.
- Alex Reed
I know a guy who breaks up with women all the time. He calls it “going home in the morning.”
- (Unknown Author)
I miss dating The excitement of meeting someone new, that feeling of butterflies when you see if you can climb out their bathroom window...
- MF FairyPrincessSmoo @Smooheed
You can tell how single I am by the way my cat and dog wear their sombreros with quiet dignity and acceptance.
- Angie Davis @Adar79Angie
Funny Dating Quotes
Group 4
The best part about speed dating is having 8-10 new guys to drink with, and none of them are keeping track of how many drinks you've had.
- Miss Moneypenny @MoneypennyNaked
My boyfriend does this cute thing where he files for a restraining order.
- Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats
Date: [looking at menu] Want to share anything?
Me: Oh. I made out with your brother once....God that feels good to get off my chest. You?
- Amanda Hugnkiss @caliluvgirl77
Guy: You’re the prettiest girl I’ve ever seen.
Girl: You just want to have sex with me.
Guy: Wow, you’re smart too, I like that.
- Your Mom @HorribleDancer
My girlfriend said I was too controlling, and it wasn't her turn to speak.
- C'est la vie @Robert_Beau
Funny Dating Quotes
Group 5
An online dating site for really old people called Carbon Dating.
- Kelkulus @kelkulus
Hi mom and dad, meet my new boyfriend, Netflix
- Swishergirl @Swishergirl24
[determined not to have any awkward silence during date]
'So, what's your favorite part of a banana?'
- Brent @murrman5
Told a girl she's more attractive when she's not wearing glasses and she said I'm also more attractive when she's not wearing glasses.
- Kevin O'Neill @KevinBuffalo
I just cancelled a date for tonight & told the dude I was sprayed by a skunk. Who would make that up? Me. I would make that up.
- Kate @Juststopkate
Funny Dating Profiles Review
Funny Dating Quotes
Group 6
Dating is where you pretend you’re someone you’re not to impress someone you don’t know.
- Melanie White
I like to date schoolteachers. If you do something wrong, they make you do it over again.
- Rodney Dangerfield
Save a boyfriend for a rainy day, and another, in case it doesn't rain.
- Mae West
Nothing defines humans better than their willingness to do irrational things in the pursuit of phenomenally unlikely payoffs. This is the principle behind lotteries, dating, and religion.
- Scott Adams
Kissing is our greatest invention. On the list of great inventions, it ranks higher than the Thermos bottle and the Airstream trailer; higher, even, than room service.
- Tom Robbins
A kiss is a lovely trick designed by nature to stop speech when words become superfluous.
- Ingrid Bergman
The main lesson I took from Lady and the Tramp is that dating below your station might result in someone who can get you free spaghetti.
- MehGyver @AndrewNadeau0
One day, some guy is gonna see me eating a whole rotisserie chicken with my bare hands in my parked car and think 'That's her, she's the one.'
- Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats
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New! Comments
Leave A Note or Share A Joke! All comments are moderated by the Head Lafologist.Can’t get the best suitors in the online dating world? Maybe you need to re-work on your profile headline. Go for some funniest headlines for a change.
I’ve been dating since I was fifteen. I’m exhausted. Where is he?
– Kristin Davis
Back in the singles market? Welcome! Well, yeah… to be a part of the dating sites, is like selling yourself. It uses the rule of advertising, minus the ‘S’. The rule is AIDA = Awareness, Interest, Desire and Actions. A good dating profile precisely works like the aforementioned rule. It creates an awareness about you amongst the seekers, generates interest amongst those who understand it, arouses a desire amongst the ones who like it, and finally leads to an action! Its first part, namely the headline, serves the purpose of seeking attention or creating awareness. Obviously, you need to have a funny or a catchy headline.
Funny Dating Headlines
Making someone laugh is the trickiest job in the world. Thus, a good sense of humor is always appreciated for its worth. Here are a few examples of dating profile headings that you can use to make your page stand out from the rest!
Willing to lie about how we met!
Looking for Mr. Right Now!
Quality men only!
Sorry, but you’ll have to do more than that to impress me.
Romantic men are very few. If you are one of the few, contact me now!
We all know the Gods are crazy, but is there anywhere crazier than that to take on a challenge like me?
Sarcastic Dating Headlines
Many people find sarcasm cute, just as we like Chandler Bing for his witty sarcastic jokes. So, here are a few dating headlines dripping with sarcasm, just for your profile.
You must be over 5′ 10″ to read this profile.
How many more frogs do I have to kiss to find my prince?
Want to meet a guy whose IQ is bigger than his shoe size?
Finding a good man is like nailing Jello to a tree!
Can you keep up?
Looking for some sexy and stable. Is that too much to ask for?
I am interested, if you are interested.
Matter-of-Fact Dating Headlines
Sometimes, reading plain facts are good enough. They say only what is required and seem simple to understand. So without further ado, take a look at some matter-of-fact dating headlines.
Just looking for a monsoon fling. No strings attached.
Men looking for sex need not apply.
Pick me! Pick me! Pick me!
Is there someone out there for me?
Will think of dating you, if I like you.
Seeking a friend who comes with benefits!
Could enjoy the company of someone who can make a good conversation!
Catchy Dating Headlines
A dating profile has to be catchy enough to make an impact on its reader. Pick your favorite from these attention-getting headlines, for your profile.
Some will, some won’t, some do, some don’t. I might!
If I could arrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together!
Do you have any raisins? No? How about a date?
The magician is waiting for assistant to perform the greatest trick of all time!
Bold Dating Headlines
Get all your oomph out there to grab all the attention for your dating profile. Be a little bold and a bit brave to find what your seek!
Coffee, Chocolate, and Men – some things are just better rich.
Cute?…. Yes!! Sexy?…. Yes!! Smart?…. Yes!! Rich?…. Well 3 of 4 is a good start!
We make a perfect couple: I’ve got the brains and you’ve got the body.
I can promise you something special.
If FUN was a MUST, then I must be the one you’re looking for.
New girl on the block needs a tour guide.
Boy toy seeks a play date.
Things to Rememeber
Writing a good dating profile headline is as important as writing a good dating profile. It is very important to keep in mind the language, which must be conversational. This means, the reader must be able to sense the tone of the sentence and understand it quickly. Avoid making cryptic references, as it only leads to confusion, and the purpose gets lost in translation. The whole idea of having a catchy headline is to seek attention and get users clicking in.
The headline shouldn’t be provocative either. With something like ‘Looking for sex’, you make yourself seem like a sex-crazed lunatic. This way, your chances of networking will also become bleak. Have a headline which goes with your profile and sums up its gist in a sentence or two. The main characteristic of the aforementioned sample dating headlines, is simplicity. The simpler the headline, the simpler it is to understand it.
Dating Profile Templates For Women
Another factor you may want to note is that it should have no spelling mistakes. With a spelling mistake such as ‘can’ becomes ‘can’t’, the meaning of the headline can change for worse. Thus, use affirmative and positive headlines to make your profile an attractive one.